He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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