Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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