If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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