so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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