I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
