hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
