My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
