You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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