apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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