there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
where are you?
Hypothermia
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize