God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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