sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
