Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
