I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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