I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
