He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
