...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
