When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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