What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
