No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
