i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
even my farts smell like vagina
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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