The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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