I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
