It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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