cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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