me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
