i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You made out with two different species that night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
