...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
