yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
