Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
