i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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