The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
