i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
