Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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