please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
