U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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