i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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