Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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