I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My penis needs a shock collar
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
