you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
