that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
