a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
