I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
