She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
