Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
