i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
