I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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