so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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