Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize