I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
