Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
