NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
