I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
