wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
