dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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