Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
