Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got inside last night via doggy door
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
