ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
