we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
