we're chasing vodka with high fives
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
