I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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