Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
