I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize