The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
