I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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