textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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