Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
