I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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