I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
