No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
