I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
