brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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