oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
