I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
