I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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