I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
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Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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