My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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