I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize